At that time, I liked the idea of the Jedi and the Force. I liked the idea of feeling and using the Force. The Force was real to the Jedi. I wished something could be that real for me. I thought of how neat it would be to feel the Force flowing through me and to use it to jump higher or whatever. The thought of it was intriguing and appealing.

But real life wasn't like the movies. Real life is always so much more disappointing. The Force, or as It/He/She is called in our galaxy, God, was described only in a book which people are told to believe because pastors and parents said so. It was not as real as the Force was to the Jedi. The Jedi never doubted or questioned it. It was as real as the sunlight shining on your face or the breeze blowing your hair. I saw the first STAR WARS trilogy. Each time I watched it, I wished such a Force could be.

During the long gap between the trilogies, I more or less forgot about STAR WARS. 1999 came around and I went to see THE PHANTOM MENACE. It reignited my interest in STAR WARS.

I immediately fell in love with Qui-Gon Jinn. I even had a dream about him, a vivid dream where he told me he was Jesus Christ in another form. By this time, the definition of Jedi had become more complex. In the first STAR WARS trilogy, it was a very general concept defined by only a few phrases. There was no institution with a million rules and regulations. PHANTOM MENACE gave it more definition as a large institution. It was then that we got insight into its flaws. The Jedi had the flaws of most large religious institutions. It was overly authoritarian and dogmatic. The rules were more important than the will of the Force itself. Qui-Gon represented the spirit of its original purity much like Jesus did in contrast to the religious leaders of his day. Qui-Gon heard the voice of the Force unlike the others. It wasn't just a thing to him. This put Qui-Gon at odds with the council.

Qui-Gon was a more compassionate Jedi. He rescued Jar Jar. He sympathized with young Anakin and Shmi. His padawan Obi-Wan chided him for taking on more "pathetic life forms." Like Jesus, he died, a blow to the heart, which symbolically is the same thing that happened to Jesus.

I have a dark suspicion. It is not overtly stated in the films, but there is subtle evidence. I wonder if the Jedi council purposely set up Qui-Gon to be killed. In all other cases when confronting a suspected Sith, groups of Jedi went, the big Jedi heavies. Did the council send Qui-Gon and his padawan knowing that he likely would be killed? Did they want him out of the way because he was too maverick? Jesus also was betrayed and set up by a council.

My friend and I both liked Qui-Gon, so she costumed as Qui-Gon; and I costumed as Obi-Wan because he was next to Qui-Gon.

We felt that Qui-Gon was the greatest Jedi and that the Jedi Council was apostate and corrupt. REVENGE OF THE SITH only confirmed this view.

In the mid-1990's I spent considerable time studying various religions. I was interested in comparing them. My favorite reading material was Freemason stuff, especially the writings of Albert Pike. It is kind of funny how that got started. It started with conspiracy theories I had been hearing. It is alleged that the Freemasons and the Illuminati are plotting to take over the world and form some sort of New World Order where everyone serves Satan or Lucifer. I just had to investigate. I later felt that this was all quite overblown. I ended up discarding that theory and continued reading that material in its own right simply because it was quite fascinating. By the time the second STAR WARS trilogy came out, I was quite steeped in comparative religious reading.

I was not yet on the internet. I had only heard vague rumors of some people choosing Jedi as their religion. My associations with Jedi were quite independent. I did not get on internet until a while after THE PHANTOM MENACE, and then only in a limited way because computers were a strange, unpredictable, and intimidating device. I did not go too deep into anything on internet because I considered internet too unreliable. One could have it for awhile and then something goes wrong, and one is out of touch for weeks or months. I only visited a Qui-Gon Jinn fan group.

In and around this time, we met this individual in our area who was a great admirer of Darth Maul. She considered herself a Sith. She costumed as Darth Maul and even took martial arts classes so she could move more the way he does. She got quite good at it; and wherever she appeared in public, she really turned heads. She caused me to have a higher view of the Sith. She was quite active on the internet and would describe all the goings on. She has since moved away, and we have lost track of her. Even since being on the internet now, I have not run across her. (If you happen to bumble onto this site, please drop me a line.)

2002 came and we saw ATTACK OF THE CLONES. This was the next stage of our life with the Force. I kept my young Obi-Wan look, but my friend changed to Anakin because she liked him alot. Now we both had padawan hairstyles and looked like twins walking about town. Loretta's sympathies were definitely with Anakin. Yes, he got angry, but for good reason. The Jedi council was cold, indifferent, and lacked compassion. The Jedi had gone apostate and were ripe to be judged.